Why Change is the Key to Happiness

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My clients often teach me just as much as I teach them when we work together.  This is a lesson from a few clients I've been working with lately:  take the leap.  Make a change, even when you're not exactly sure what to do, even when you're uncertain.  Knowing that what you are living with just isn't right, that's enough reason to just begin.  Go ahead,  add some happiness to your home!

Change is hard, isn’t it?  Even when we sort of know we could change things in our life, even if we know just what to do to make things better, we just... don’t.    I think it’s that we all crave comfort and that can mean staying the same place long after something stops serving us, stops making us feel our best.  Thinking outside the box, making a leap, making a statement to the universe that you are willing to do something new is a powerful thing for your psyche.   Often, making a small change in our lives or our home becomes that first drop that causes that ripple effect, don’t you find?  If we can just have the courage to make one bold change, it feels so good and we have no problem finding that momentum to continue finding things to fine tune.

Comfort, predictability, stability – these are all things we love when you think about it, but they can be a huge source of unhappiness for a lot of people.  How is it that the need to feel comfortable can keep a person tied to things in their life that are sources of discomfort?  If you are living with something in your home that’s not uplifting you, it might be time to just take the plunge and make a change.

I see this often in my work, where a client has lived with something they hate in their home and they know they want a change, they often have a great plan for just what to do, but they need some reassurance that what they want to change is going to be great.  Basically, they need someone to push them out of the plane!  Ideally, before doing that, this person can also help hash out a solid plan for going forward and be able to work through every question and doubt, providing examples and information, until they feel certain and excited about the plan! 

In all reality, fighting change is a losing battle.  Happiness is found in flexibility.  Yes, it can be uncomfortable to change, but it is worth it.  This is the natural course of life, to put something to rest to make room for something new.   Yes, it’s unknown and can feel like maybe it will be chaotic or not work at all, or maybe be worse than before, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  The reward is worth  the risk.  I think being able to think out a good plan and take action on it is often something that just has to be tackled without putting much weight on your feelings about the changes.  It’s going to be great!  Focus on the framework of what you want to change, the ‘why’s and put some time and thought into your plan.  That is the structure of what you need to do.

Add some happiness to your home.  Happiness is anything that you love, that makes you smile, that makes you feel good when you pass by it or exist with it.  Organizing your Tupperware drawer, rearranging your bedroom furniture, printing and framing some beautiful photos from a great vacation you took, even just streamlining your mudroom.  All of these bring joy to your life and like ripples in water,  that spreads.  Trust me,  being happy in your home matters. 

There are bigger things, yes.  Paint a wall or a room.  Paint your front door.  Buy a new chair.  Your home is worth these things.  Start to think of your home from the perspective of upping your happiness.  Choose things that make you smile. 

Ready for even bigger? Tackle that kitchen renovation.  Revamp the exterior of your home.  Finally put in that patio in the backyard.  Go for it.  Your dreams and enthusiasm and ideas are valuable.  

A lot of people do things like this, they feel the need to make a change, they plan it out and they go for it – why not you?

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Should You Be Painting Your Cabinets White?

This week brought this fabulous question to my email inbox!

Hi Tara,

We live in a bi-level with the old style kitchen and separate dining room. We want to knock out a wall and make a larger kitchen and eliminate the dining room. We are having a tough time deciding between white or dark cabinets (current ones are honey oak). Are either timeless? Also, we want to add some built in cabinets in the living room, should they be the same color as the kitchen cabinets?

Hi there!

So, this is a very common question with a very complex answer and I’m so glad you asked it!  The answer requires a bit of a design thinking in a few other areas:  balance and details.   When both of these areas are addressed, the cabinet finish question really becomes less of ‘which is right’ and more of ‘how can I make either of these look right’, because the truth is, either can look amazing. 

How can that be?  Well, as I’m sure you’ve already seen in the endless research you’ve likely been doing on Houzz, Pinterest or Google Images, either dark or white cabinets can look so, so good.  And, either white or dark cabinets can be timeless (more on that in a minute).  So, how do you narrow it down for your space when there seems to be no easy right answer?  I’ll lead you through a few things to consider for each finish because in the end, it all comes down to whatever is the most appealing to you, what makes you the most comfortable.   There is no right answer because both are right.

White cabinet considerations:

White cabinets have a clean, airy, fresh feel. 

They open up a space visually and make a room feel much bigger and brighter.

There are so many shades of white cabinets right now and so many detailed finishes that can all really change the look (from stark white to warm antique white, from a solid finish to a gel stain glazed into the corners).  White cabinetry is not always just plain white.

White tends to give you so much more flexibility with the other finishes in the space – you have practically no limit to the flooring, backsplash and wall options, when it comes to either color or pattern.  This is a huge, huge advantage over trying to work with a wood tone.

Yes, lighter cabinets show dirt and dust build up faster than darker finishes.  I would argue, however that in sunlight, dark cabinets often show build up more while adding on much more visible water marks from wiping cabinets.  Besides, sometimes knowing when your cabinets need a wipe and being able to have them actually look clean when you do it is a nice thing.

Dark cabinet considerations:

Dark cabinets have a rich, warm, solid, inviting feel.

They can make a space feel cozy and luxurious.

 In a mainly-winter climate (hello Northern Hemisphere people), it’s important to remember that sunlight bouncing off snow is very blue or grey.  It makes all other colors look bluish or greyish – imagine wearing faintly blue-tinted glasses and looking around your room.  To counter this, a warm toned room feels really good.  No soul on a snow-covered tundra in February wants their home to feel more icy and cold.

There are a lot of shades of dark wood stains available – from warmer reddish browns to stark, almost grey-black tones, so it’s possible to get a variety of looks in darker wood.

Having said that, it can be difficult to match or coordinate the wood tone of the cabinets with other wood tones in the house, either more permanent elements (flooring, baseboards, doors) or the more flexible items (furniture, accessories).  This is the classic problem with a kitchen renovation where you don’t have (or want to create) a blank slate in the rest of the house.

Cabinets can be stained with a rub-in semi-transparent stain which shows the grain or sprayed with a solid stain – both have very different looks, so there are a lot of options here as well.

A wood tone with visible grain adds a visual texture to the room – this can be a great natural element but it can also make it difficult to choose other finishes for the space, especially a patterned backsplash that can often compete visually and make things very ‘loud’.

A kitchen with dark cabinets really looks best balanced with a lot of light – rooms with large windows are a prime candidate for gorgeous dark cabinets but even rooms with little natural light can look beautiful with carefully considered lighting (LED pot lights, lots of bright and airy pendants over an island, an oversized fixture hanging over the table).

Darker cabinets tend to have more visible sheen due to their finish and this can make people crazy trying to wipe off drips and smudges, and then polishing those wet cloth marks away.  Even though the general impression out there is that dark cabinets are easier to keep clean, dark finishes do show dust and smudges just as much as lighter cabinets with the added bonus of also showing water marks when they are wiped clean.  Is it possible to keep dark cabinets gorgeous, though?  Of course and for many people it’s worth it.

What do you love?

As you can see, there are benefits and challenges to either scenario and what I always end up recommending to my clients is that in the end, you just have to go with what you love and work out the details surrounding it.  Chances are, there is a dream kitchen in your mind and it has a certain look to it that you are in love with.  More often than not, it’s a look you return to over and over.  Maybe you are trying to convince yourself that something else is a better fit – I wouldn’t go down that road.  Go with what you know you love and it will be something you love.

Now for the rest of the picture...

Balance & Details

Once you’ve chosen a cabinet finish you need to balance it out.  What does that mean?  Well, whatever you do with that big, huge, dominating presence in your room (the cabinets), you are going to want to do the opposite for a lot of the other elements in the space. 

If you are going with dark cabinets, you are going to want to make sure you have lots of lighter elements in your room.  These can be things like actual light (windows and light fixtures), lighter and brighter ‘permanent’ elements (backsplash, countertop, flooring, appliances)  and visually lighter accessories (big, airy art pieces, a huge mirror, creamy white throws, a large light colored centerpiece on the table, lighter throw rugs, white furniture, etc).   

If you choose to go with white cabinets, you are going to want to balance things out with some darker elements to ground your space, warm it up and keep it from looking like a white cave or sterile operating room.  In this case, you would take that list above and consider those things in some nice dark, rich tones.

One last thing that really pulls together the look and feel of a space – it’s all framed by those details.  Regardless of the color or tone of your cabinetry, it's the style of the doors, the type of hardware, the light fixtures, the accessories, the art and the furniture that give a room it’s polish and it’s mood.  I’ve seen black cabinets that are at home in a rustic country kitchen and pure white cabinetry that is right at home in an ultra modern kitchen.  Take a close look at those small elements in some of the kitchen photos that you love – I bet you will find that many of them share a similar style.

To Match or Not To Match

And finally, to answer your question about matching cabinets and built-ins – this is something that can also go either way.  On one hand, if the flooring is the same throughout both spaces, I feel like giving the kitchen some division by having a different color works well.  The living room doesn’t want or need to feel like a part of the kitchen.  On the other hand, if you have different flooring in both rooms, another color for the trim, and possibly even more wood tones in the doors, furniture and bathroom cabinetry, it can add some cohesiveness to maintain the same cabinetry throughout a house.  I would aim to pull things together if they need it (keep it the same) or give some definition to the spaces if they don’t (do two different finishes).

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The Impact of Good Interior Design: Peace, Order & Comfort

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the bigger picture of interior design, why it matters, why it’s more than just aesthetics, being stylish and (the worst, most cringe-worthy label), just plain snobbery.  I’m just not into any of that kind of thing, really (like, so incredibly not), so I have been scratching an itch in my brain for weeks, wondering why I feel so strongly about design then. 

I feel so deeply that there is something so important about regular old good design, well thought out with common sense, beautiful, good design.  Design that just makes daily life better.  Design for the people.  (haha)  Explaining that, however, doesn’t come easy to me.   I mean, if I was a teacher I would feel deep in my heart that public education is a fundamental right and that being a safe and happy place in a child’s life was a privilege and an honor.  I could tell anyone, anywhere about the importance of the heart and soul of my career.  It gets a little trickier with my own career though, which can be perceived as an indulgence of the wealthy and snotty.  (By the way, in my nearly 20 years in the design field I have never actually encountered one of these clients, so it’s not just my opinion here.) 

I do feel it, though, that this thing I’m passionate about has meaning and in all the thinking I’ve been doing I came to a conclusion:  it’s all about helping people create a safe haven.  And that is vital and it matters.  It matters if you are a young newlywed couple, it matters if you are a bachelor, it matters if you are a child, it matters if you are a newly widowed grandma.  We all deserve and crave, at a very deep and primal level, a home that makes us feel good and safe.

So, I’m wondering – am I right?  What are you seeking at home? 

Peace, order, comfort, love?

Peace

The feeling you have when you are at home is a fundamental part of who we are.  Feeling good when you are in your home, when you are in your kitchen or in your bedroom is important.  It sets the framework for your life, for how you feel about yourself, your life, your relationships, your kids.  When you feel at peace, when you feel happy and proud of your home, you feel good about yourself.  Feeling good about yourself allows you to go out into the world with positivity and energy and confidence.  It matters.  It matters to yourself, to the quality of your relationship, to the happiness of your kids.

Order

You need to pull yourself out of chaos and the burden of a house you don’t love.  Living somewhere overwhelming or draining or depressing is not what you deserve in life, not what your family deserves.  You can make simple changes that make things better.  These things do not need to take money but they will take thought and time and effort - it is worth it.   Your home and space is a reflection of your energy and your life.  Having an orderly home is a peaceful refuge, and that is important.

Comfort

There are deep psychological reasons that having a space that is peaceful and orderly and happy and comfortable builds something fantastic deep within us. Your kids will thrive in a happy home, your relationship will be better.  A happier home makes everyone feel good.   When people feel good they are able to laugh more, to have that inner peace we are all trying to protect.  It matters.  It’s not just aesthetics.  It’s a reflection of how you feel about yourself and your family and it changes the way your kids feel about themselves as they grow up. 

Having a home that feels comfortable to us, brings peace to our families and order to our lives is a beautiful goal, isn’t it?  And there’s nothing even remotely snobby about that!

What are you seeking at home right now – I’d love to know!

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The Best Wall Paint Colors To Go With Honey Oak

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If you are surrounded by honey oak in your home, you are in the right place for design help!

Are you living in a home that is filled with outdated oak and it’s just not feeling like you?  Most of my clients that approach me with this problem are feeling a little stuck: they are awesome people that have great taste and style but for a whole bunch of reasons, they are having to create a beautiful home around the oak that exists there.  All they want is a house that makes them feel happy when they walk in the front door, oak and all, starting with the paint color.  Is that even possible?

I get it:  try searching online for ‘oak kitchen’ or ‘oak trim updates’ and the inspiration and advice is pretty dismal.  Standard advice is to either rip it out or paint over it.  This isn’t always practical or even what everyone wants.  The more a person searches, the worse you start to feel about your house.  Any photos you can find seem to be mostly really ugly and, well, depressing stock photos. All you want is a simple update, without a major renovation.  The good news is that yes, it is possible to do and I can show you how.  Paint is the easiest and least expensive things you can do in a home and the best part is that it is one of the biggest game changers.  Can you choose a gorgeous paint color that makes your home beautiful updated and lovely, without touching the oak?  Yes!

The Three Steps to tackle updating your oak (and one bonus step!)

I have helped clients to tackle this problem so many times and I can guide you through the process as well. There are 3 steps to navigating choosing the right paint color (and one bonus step), so let me help you to work through them!

1. Accept the great parts of the oak in your home (and there are some!)

2. Understand a bit about color theory

3. Take a look through all of these color suggestions and try a few out at home.

4. Bonus: I have an entire ebook on this topic, so consider buying the Living With Oak: 2021 Design & Style Guide to let me take you step-by-step through setting up a plan to updating more than just the paint in your home.

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Step One: Why work with the oak?

There are some great things about oak in a home and though, yes, it can be painted over or replaced with MDF trim or a new white kitchen, there are a lot of reasons to leave it be and work with it!

Oak is a rock solid wood – it’s durable and practically bullet proof.

It’s warm – those warm tones are earthy and look great in a lot of spaces.

Oak is also ripe with wood grain that really stands out, even when painted, so it has a very natural, patterned look that never looks manufactured or ultra-modern.

Even if the only reason it’s staying put is because you don’t have the time, money or desire to replace it right now, it absolutely can look great in your home by surrounding it with a great wall color and surrounding it with things that are more in your taste – things like furniture, art, lighting, new hardware or updated counters will all help give a new look to the space and put all thoughts of ‘outdated oak’ right out of mind.

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Step Two: Color Theory

When it comes to updating a house, you better believe the oak can absolutely be toned down & styled to look good with a fresh wall color.

There are two main ways of working with any existing element in a home: it can either be enhanced (used as a focal point) or downplayed (neutralized and camouflaged). What we are going to focus on is the idea that oak, which just boils down to an overwhelming amount of a yellow-orange color and lots of texture, needs the rest of the room to balance it out. It needs to be downplayed, neutralized and camouflaged.

To achieve this with paint, either we are going to create a harmonious palette that is similar to the oak, or we are going to create a contrasting palette that incorporates some opposite colors. Either way, we are going to pay attention to those subtle undertones so that the oak looks it’s best.

Here are the two directions to transform your honey oak trim, doors, or cabinets with wall color:

1. Neutralize it with a complimentary color

Oak can be neutralized a bit by using colors around it that are on the opposite side of the color wheel. So, for orange oaks, this means something with a purple or green tone. Does it have to be a loud, obvious purple or green? Nope! There are undertones to a lot of soft, neutral colors like warm greys and creams. Yes, the oak is going to stand out: it’s going to sit among a contrasting color like a piece of art sits in a mat and frame. That’s okay – let’s be honest, it exists, it is there and you can’t make it disappear, but you can trick the eye into feeling like what is there is a little less “loud oak” and a little more “neutral warm wood”. Think of a gorgeous redhead wearing a soft lavender top – beautiful. Redhead wearing a harsh yellow shirt? Not so flattering.

2. Blend and camouflage

If you surround the warm oak with another warm color, it’s going to blend in and look purposeful. A soft, warm neutral paint with orange or yellow undertones can make a space look harmonious and help the oak fade in a little. I would go with a natural, earthy color here, not anything too harsh. The look of warm oak is very natural and can sit very nicely with colors pulled from nature. Be careful not to choose anything too bland here as you do want your space to have some energy to it and avoid harsh black-greys as they generally just don’t work well.

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Step Three: Color Suggestions for 2021

Color styles and trends are always evolving and while I believe that a foundation of good design is timeless, I thought you might like to see what paint colors I’m pairing with oak in 2021.

For a download of this cheat sheet complete with all the paint codes, take a look at my my free design resource library (link below!)

Get the 2021 curated collection of the best paints to pair with honey oak. Immediate, free download from True Design House. Interior design advice for the practical & down-to-earth. {{ true-design-house.com | #BenjaminMoore | #DesignHelp | #DIYStaging | #HomeAdvice | #HoneyOak | #OakFloors | Interior Design Tips | Home Design Help | The True Design House Best Paints With Honey Oak 2021

Looking for the still popular 2018 collection? It can also be found in the resource library!

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Step Four: Bonus step!

There is so much to unpack about updating oak in a home (and yes, it’s totally possible!) and paint is only one aspect.

The problem with looking for design help online is that a lot of information is, well, a little sad.

If you are looking for real, inspirational, down-to-earth design advice about taking your home from wherever it’s at now to updated and stylish, maybe my ebook is just what you need to get started.

Check it out below and see if it’s a good fit!

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2 Key First Steps to a Great Entryway

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Creating a great entryway to your home is one of the most important places you can focus your attention when polishing up your home's interior design.  The foyer welcomes not only your guests but, more importantly, your family and yourself on a daily basis.  Walking into your own home and feeling warm and comfortable, maybe even, dare I say it, a little extra happy, is a wonderful thing.  It’s a gift to yourself and one that is both simple and rewarding.  It’s completely conceivable that you could have breakfast, spend an hour or two dreaming and planning, a bit of time gathering what you need, and have the entry completely transformed by lunch.

The key to a great entry is two-pronged:  the first element to master is function;

the second is creating a great feeling. 

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Function:

Wrangle the things that normally pile up.  Be honest with yourself about what your entry normally looks like with the plan that later everything will find its place.  (Thank you Mary Poppins for that bit of wisdom.)    You could make use of a closet organizer, hooks, baskets, bowls, trays, or a table or wall shelf.    Try to imagine the flow of the ‘stuff’ that comes in and where you could put it that is both easy (since it's more likely to get used this way) and visually appealing (a space just feels better with less visual clutter, so tucking things into baskets and bowls or behind doors does help).

Feeling:

The second element is to think about how you want to feel when you walk through the door and to add elements that convey that feeling.  Think about meaningful pieces that you own, things that remind you of a time or place or person, that might go well in the entry.  Choose a color palette that makes you happy and add a few touches of that.  You don’t need to paint the entry in its entirety – it should flow well into the rest of the house and shouldn’t be cut off with color to look smaller than it (normally) is, so keeping the walls the same color as the room next to it makes sense. Adding color or texture works well in little touches in an entry – small art, accessories, or a rug.  If you are using pops of color, don't be afraid to go bold!

 

The entrance is a small area, usually without much build up of things or emotional baggage to sort through.   My hope is that you can easily apply these tips and transform a normally mundane and often chaotic space into something lovely!

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